12 days clean, and struggling

Cleaning and Struggling

Hi, Im 21 years old, have been addicted to heroin since I was 18.  I hid my addiction from my family and most my friends for those whole 3 years, in fact my family thought I was doing well.  I had my own apartment, live with my boyfriend, a steady job… but, I was a heroin addict (Negative Consequences of Heroin). My boyfriend introduced me to it at a party once and I was hooked since.  After a while I started realizing that I couldn’t go a day without it or I’d have pain and sweats.

I can’t believe I became addicted to this drug.  It turned me into someone else completely. I went from being an honors student, I was a Hooters Girl and won every swimsuit contest, a great friend, sister, daughter, to a complete low life junkie.  I ended up selling just about everything, apparently, I hardly showered or even tried to make myself look nice, I stopped hanging with my sober friends… basically all day every day was about getting money to get dope.  I’d wake up in so much pain and sweat I couldn’t move. I snorted it for my entire addiction, shot it a few times… but didnt want my family to notice, so I stuck to snorting it. Basically I realized I couldnt afford my apartment, my bills, my lifestyle and my addiction.  I realized how horrible it got when my dealer tried bribing me to have sex with him in exchange for bags. I turned it down, but the sad part is I might have done it had I not been able to get money from my mom. I knew I needed help, but my boyfriend would insist I could do it on my own.  I tried, never succeeded more than a day or two. So while he was at work I had a friend take me to rehab. I stayed a total of 11 days. I ended up leaving with a kid I met in there and used 2 days later. This time I started shooting it. My boyfriend had submitted himself to drug rehab center and was still in when I was out.  After about a week and a half of using, my boyfriend came home to be using. And not just using, but shooting it. WTF is wrong with me? Anyway, he didn’t relapse, he just held me and promised me I’d get through this if I want to. So I got suboxone for 3 days and weened myself of it. I’m 12 days clean now, but I still have aches in my arms and I can’t sleep through the night.  I’m also super depressed and start crying randomly. I think of using A LOT and I don’t want to disappoint my family or my boyfriend… but I’m scared as soon as I get the money I’m going to slip. I need help, I want the life I was supposed to have before this addiction. I just don’t know if it’s possible. /: (Thanks for listening)

 

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